New Year’s Communication Tips for Happier Relationships

With the new year ahead of us, we may be making a number of resolutions for our finances and physical fitness, but are we as intentional when it comes to our relationships? We face many relationship stressors as we juggle our commitments to work, family and friends. Even being cooped up inside during the cold winter months can chip away at our coping skills, making us say things we might regret later. Since good communication is key to healthy relationships, it sounds like a good time for an honest assessment of our communication styles. Let’s learn how to avoid unnecessary conflict and enjoy more nurturing relationships!Of course, we have good intentions for our relationships, but sometimes we say things that could have been left unvoiced, or we neglect to say things that need saying. Fatigue or stress can cause us to say and do things we'd never consider otherwise.  Some of what we say comes from poor habits we learned from others. Have you ever heard yourself say something to your child and winced, realizing how much you hated it when your parent said the same thing to you?  Have you ever let a disagreement with a family member fester inside, only to lash out in anger at a coworker? These are signs that we need to stop and be mindful.I'm passionate about Mindfulness Practice for so many reasons, especially for the awareness it brings. When we're in the moment, rather than reliving past hurts or perceived failures, then we can be aware of our needs and the needs of the people around us. In that strength of awareness, we can be fully present and connected. We'll be able to respond with consideration and respect, affirming ourselves and our friends and family.Once we're in a place of peace and acceptance with ourselves, then there are several practical things we can do to improve our communication style:

1. Forget about blame. If you want to get past the hurt, does it really matter whose fault it was? In other words, do you want to be right, or do you want to be in relationship?
2. Don't assume. Ask the other person what they are thinking and feeling.
3. Actively listen to the other person. That means focus your full attention on them. Put the cell phone or other gadget aside! Hear what they are saying, and repeat it back to them, if needed. Don't anticipate your response until they're done speaking and you fully understand what they said.
4. Avoid the other person's emotional sore spots. We all have them and we don't like them poked.
5. If conflict remains, negotiate with an eye for a win-win compromise. This is especially important if those “sore spots” keep coming to the surface – a sure sign of past, unresolved conflict that needs closure.
6. Speak truthfully—from your heart.

 - Dr. Pamm